Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
