I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
