I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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