im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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