im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
