hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
