Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
