marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
