the condom got lost in my hair
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
