I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
