I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
