So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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