Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
