I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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