it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
