when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
