all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
