i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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