you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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