Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
