i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
