I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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