so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
