Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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