I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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