I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
