I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
