Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
