the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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