Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't deserve a penis
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
