i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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