Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
