i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
