when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
