I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
