I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
