i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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