It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
