mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
