i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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