Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
