I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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