WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
