I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
