You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We had to coat check the pizza.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
