Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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