he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
