my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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