My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
