Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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