how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
