the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he thought i was a dude.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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