Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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