so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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