He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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