i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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