I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
