Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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