I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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