i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
