Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
